My Strength, it’s Her.

Why is it always about good-bye? Why does every journey have to start with the ending of a beautiful moment?

They say you have to love yourself first, only then would others love, more importantly, respect you.

I’ve forgotten what that is like. To unconditionally love myself. To wake up in the morning and smile because I saw myself in the mirror and the reflection was perfect.

It’s easy to find perfection in the eyes of others for yourself; but what about your own? For me, happiness lies in the smiles of the people around me. Starting with my mother who kisses me every morning before breakfast, to my dad who blesses me and wishes me a good day at work, to my best friend, who doesn’t have to be in the same city as me for me to show her how much I love her, her and her perfect smile.

But now she’s leaving. She has a new journey that is making her smile, and me too, no doubt. But it’s taking her very far away. It’s another country.

People move on. Life moves on. So why am I not?

Why am I stuck in the background making sure that everyone else around me has that perfect smile on their faces? The one that makes my life glow.

The countdown in my head has already begun. I know that when she takes off, on that flight from Bombay to LA, everything is going to be different… our lives are going to take a turn.

She is my stone, my pillar and all my strength in the world. I’ve had some dark thoughts in my life, some cloudy days and some lonely moments, but all I’ve had to do, is send her a message, or give her a call. Sometimes, she just knows… sometimes she asks the right questions. But at the end of a long, endless day, she’s the reason I come back home and know that tomorrow, I will wish her good morning, and I will show her that I had the strength that she believes me to have.

Sometimes, it’s easier to trust someone else, your best friend, because they’ve seen you go through the up’s and down’s, the dark nights, and the happiest of days. They’ve been there through the drunken confessions, to the embarrassing lies. They’ve seen it all, and they love you thick and thin through all of that.

Maybe if you’re as lucky as I am, then you would know this.

She’s my everything. Tomorrow she will get start college, get married, have a couple of dimpled babies, but any time in that tomorrow, I call her and tell her I’m not okay… she will become that best friend I met, twelve years ago or more, as we sat and ate popcorn and discussed what we wanted to be when we grow up.

Well, we have grown up, and sadly we aren’t stopping. Life is moving on, and so are our paths. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, for all the years that I’ve lived and cried, danced and fought, sobbed and stayed alone… it’s that at the end of it all, my best friend will be there, and if not for myself, I must love my life for her.

This is not a confession. Life has not always been easy or good for me. But it’s when I talk to her that I remember the turbulence that I have been through, and the person who I am today. The one with the strength to fight all odds, all bad the nightmares and still be there smiling because I have my best friend to hold on to, and if it’s one thing I’ve learned today, while I watched her taxi leave for the train station, it’s that no matter how many times we say good-bye, this girl is my one and all reason to smile. She may not know this, but my strength, it’s her.


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