I’ve experienced pain.
All kinds of pain actually, leaving a city I’ve been born it, growing up in, leaving friends every time I go to a new school. There’s been the heartbreaks, those days when it seemed like along with the pouring rain my heart cried immensely too. Then I watched my grandmother die, she used to sleep in my bed and the love I had for her was incomparable. I watched my father cry, during his father’s funeral, and I felt a stab through my chest, promising that as long as I lived, there would never be a single tear again. My sisters stay time zones away from me, I watched friends come and leave; I’ve learned and lost love too.
But today, I experienced another kind of pain.
Souls come into your life for a reason, you meet them in mysterious ways at times. The best stories though, are the ones that have the most unexpected beginning, and with the right amount of laughter, glee, progress into late night conversations, and the beautiful merge of two souls becoming one, strong, unbreakable bond between two people.
There have been many times when these unbreakable bonds get tested and teased through time. Sometimes, when you think you win, you actually lose; and sometimes, when you think you’ve lost and the world becomes empty, it’s when you’ve actually won and that’s when the colours of the universe come flowing into your life.
It was at an empty moment in my life, when after levels of pain, my mind and body were both numb. And it was then, when the colours of the universe, though strangely mostly black and red came in with her quick yet quiet humour, with her patience and ability to make conversations and nights last longer than the time itself.
While it was She who was literally foreign to the new city around her, it was me who ended up needing her more.
The colours that She brought into my life, is one that I will always be eternally grateful for.
And it is suddenly when this colour rushes out of your life again, all in an instant, all with the right circumstance around us, but luck would not be on our side; for the time has come to say goodbye.
It was only then I felt a burning in my heart, unlike any other I had felt before. I was driving away from the airport, the tears brimming; we made the promises that all loved ones make before parting. We said we would be in touch, we said we would meet as often as we can, online chatting, emails, sms… everything, we promised everything. More then that, our good bye didn’t last more than two minutes; it was slightly filmy, but two minutes, one tear. That’s all we did.
“Don’t cry.” As always, we said it to each other at the same time.
I sat in the car, but something didn’t let me go. I looked out of the window, she was getting her passport and ticket checked at the entrance. I ran out. I hate to say good bye. I needed one more hug, but that one more hug, one more minute, it was never enough. Even now it’s not enough. Even now, I wish I would have hugged her one last time.
But enough of that. I was sitting in the car, after my rush to say goodbye again. This time, the car went ahead, she was left behind.
Without realizing it, a single tear fell slowly. But this one, it was not a departing one, but a promise to meet again. This one, it was a secret between two friends. This one, it was painful, heart-wrenching even, enough to leave one sleepless, but with this, I know simply can’t wait for the day when I get to hug her again, and cry some more, happy tears.
I’ve experienced pain, but watching a piece of your soul walk through the departure gates is something I wish I never have to endure again.
Until then, I will miss you.