The Muse in Lisboa.

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Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’ll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble & fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye

Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
And anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you

Say something, I’m giving up on you
Say something…

Say Something, A Great Big World Feat. Christina Aguilera

Three Years Ago.

He wanted her to say good-bye. He knew he had to push her to all of her limits, scream from within, go beyond this place- a place where pain wouldn’t mean anything anymore. He knew he had to be the one to push her away, to scare her, to torture her, to literally, turn her to ash, inside out.

Not a tear she shed. She knew it had to happen tonight- his words this evening were enough to numb her from the years of heart-wrenching pain she was oddly used to know. Someone had once asked her if she enjoyed this, enjoyed being sad, and enjoyed the pain that brewed within. Maybe it made her feel more real? No one has answers to these questions.

She waited for the right time. She knew what he was trying to do. But she also knew that in a few days, he wouldn’t look back. Not even once; these fond memories he titled their times together, he wouldn’t think about it even once. His life, his future, his new mini cooper, his new wife, his new suit, his new chopper- Nothing, not even the breathtaking sunset at Paris would let a sliver of her thought come to his mind. She knew that it had to be tonight, she had to be the one to let go of the hand she had held so tightly… As if her life depended on him.

As if her life depended on him. He had to teach her to let go, he had to claw into her skin, possibly leave scars that will remind her of this pain years from now, but he had to show her it was possible. To live her life of passion, of greatness, of happiness, of nothing but great moments. She had it in her, he knew that- possibly even so did she, but she had forgotten. The waves of his love now left her drowning, and while they both believed that he was the only one who could save her, this was soon turning cathartic and deadly. She was ready to drown- and he had to stop her.

Say something, I’m giving up on you. She begged him.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you. His deep eyes staring into her soul.

You’re the one I love. Her scared soul screamed.

And I’m saying good-bye. He hung up.

Say something, I’m giving up on you. She wrote.

Say something…. He whispered, holding on tightly to her letter.

Today

She looked out of the window, the sky was clear, the city was new- his memory, now fading, just like the pain in her soul. Her dark hair blowing gently in the cold breeze of Lisboa. This city, that smiled and danced, that was happy at the happiness of others. That overlooked troubles and wreckage, that took challenges head on- this city, it had taught her a lot. The people of Lisboa, they taught her a lot. Here she was, changed, stronger possibly- as she lay in her bed, the white blanket strewn across her warm body, her past now a distant memory. The window in front of her, it looked as perfect as a painting, she thought to herself. A small smile grew on her face as she thought of capturing this moment. Lazily, she reached out for her camera. It lay next to the glasses of wine and empty bottle on the table beside her.

Sitting on her bed, careful not to make a sound, she slipped his t-shirt on and put the camera strap around her neck. Who would have thought, that sometimes, you had to let go, all the way, only so you can breathe again. She held her breath and looked through the viewfinder, the world seemed ready for her now.

Today, her window was her muse.

Picture caption: The Muse in Lisboa.
From the series: Wanderings in Spain.
By: Richa Sheth, 2015

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