When The Tree Spoke.

I’m the one in the yellow, with the summery print.

Can you see me now?

Oh, you want me to shift a little?

Oh, is it the building you’re trying to capture?

Am I in the way?

Oh gosh. My apologies.

It’ll be difficult for me to move though, I’m not sure what to do.

You like my summer dress though?

I think it’s a rather lovely one.

I could choose between violet, red and yellow.

Yes, I think yellow seems to suit me better too.

I like the sun, I think that’s where I got my inspiration from.

Oh yes, of course you’re busy.

But I still don’t know…. Maybe you could move? Your roots seem to be more flexible than mine…

Haha, yes! I do enjoy a little humour here and there.

I mean, of course that happens only when someone stops to listen you know.

You’re lucky, you would always have someone to talk to!

No?

I mean… There are so many of you. Why are you all walking away, bumping into each other as if everything around is negative space?

I terribly enjoy watching the world as they pass me by.

Of course I do say hello; I mean, not how you and your kind would……

Sorry, got lost there….. what does your kind call it? Ah, yes… A wish.

My wish?

Wow, you’re the first one to ask.

My wish, to feel the warmth deep inside of me, a smile growing on my face, as I wrap my branches… Err… Hands, around someone. I want to feel lightless and sparkle at the same time. Just as I do when I see love birds chirping away on my branches.

You’re smiling now. That’s sweet.

May I ask, when was the last time you felt like that?

Wow!

You’re turning as red as roses in the springtime.

That’s beautiful.

Is it from the warmth within? As another’s branches wrap themselves around you?

Yes, it is indeed wonderful.

Oh, you’re forgetting why you’re here… Your picture…

Me?

… I’m speechless.

No, there’s no breeze, but your words are making me shiver.

Of course I will. With all my pleasure.

Wait, let me spread out. I’ll show you how I feel in the summer. How the whole world should feel in the summer.

There…. How do I look now?

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Your Song.

Yellow Lights, Of Monsters and Men.

Have you ever experienced this feeling, when a song is stuck on repeat, no one’s doing but your own. You listen to every word of this song, hang on to the lyrics, hoping it will create the same magical feeling it did the first time you heard it.

It’s a special song, sometimes the lyrics make no sense to you, sometimes the lyrics may even be too disturbing to listen to. But it’s your special song, and it’s the one that you listen to when you walk out the door, headphones in your ear, the world shut out for those 3 minutes and whatever seconds. It’s your magical moment, when you re-live the scene a thousand times over in your head.

It makes you smile, blush even, but with this aching heart. It’s not possible, you wonder, that a song has the capacity to take you to another level in this universe. Where a song translates into so much more then music and words – it’s a feeling now. It’s an emotion. It’s a kiss. It’s the way he held your hand. It’s the way he brushed your hair aside. It’s the way the butterflies in your stomach rose and rose, flying steadily and beautifully towards the sun. It’s the way he says your name.

It’s the way he said your name.

The beats quicken, the memories are flashing in front of you now. The sun seems stronger, your head a little lighter. Maybe you should change this track, but then again, why?

When you have no control over the way the world works, or the way people leave, why can’t you have control over the feelings a song lets you have. The memories that come with it – the bittersweet nothings that lead you to once believe that this was all you needed, and that maybe now, maybe now this life will give you that chance that you know you deserve. To smile, to smile in love and not be scared. Not be scared that one day, soon from today, you’ll be listening to a song and instead of his hand, you’ll be looking at a shadow of his hand on your empty palm. The faint traces of his perfume, of his lips on your skin, of his words against your soul – when do you get to smile in love? When do you get to keep the memories and know that they won’t turn into an aching pain? When do you get to reach out and just hold on to his hand, or smile as he plays that song you’ve been in love with for a while now, because secretly he knows that it reminds you of him.

When will the time come, that you two will listen to a song together?

3 minutes and whatever seconds are over.

It’s time to press repeat.

Or maybe, it’s time to search for a new song?

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A Secret Sunset.

It was strange, a serene moment actually. I was walking home from a rather relaxing massage, these days the world’s just been like walking on sunshine for me. It’s almost as if the universe is finally giving me everything that I’ve been dreaming about. Day after day, my smile’s just been growing.

It’s been a while since I’ve shared my happiness with my readers. I’ve cried, kept secrets and written to you when I couldn’t find the right words to soothe myself. But today, I am happy. And the world is smiling with me.

But let’s go back to the sunset for a moment, shall we ?

Picture this.

I’m walking on one of Bombay’s most popular and loved roads, Marine Drive. The weather, as I mentioned earlier, was beyond perfect. As I left the spa, I immediately regretted forgetting my headphones at home. I kept on walking, it’s a small lane that opens up to the main road, with the sea beyond it.

I kept on walking.

There were no thoughts in my head. Clear. A refreshing change that was comforting, energizing and definitely much needed.

I kept on walking. I was smiling, not in my head, but a huge grin just plastered on my face.

As the trees around me thinned out, as I walked on closer to the end of the lane, the colours of the sky – I froze.

Hues of orange, red, yellow, maybe even purple. Marine Drive was bustling with people, lovers, dog walkers, joggers, tourists clicking selfies, but look beyond that, I willed them. The Sun… I felt like it was a secret that was being shared between the Universe and I.

I kept on walking.

The city on the horizon, the shimmering reddish blue sea, the sun heading closer and closer to the sea, as a lover would, gently lean in to finally kiss his Juliet’s cheek.

I had reached my lane, but that meant turning my back to this love story. My smile was for the Sun only. This spectacle of his, was meant for my eyes only. Closer and closer, the sun was almost a thin crescent hiding behind the sea – as Romeo would bury his nose in Juliet’s neck… the sky now the colour of her blushing cheeks.

I froze.

It was entirely for me. This sunset, this perfectly timed walk of mine. It was all written somewhere. It was my moment. My sign. My whole life I’ve waited for signs, wondering where they were and when my life would change…

And it hit me then. As I smiled, the wind and crashing waves the perfect background song to my moment. I realised right here, that it’s true – you only truly get what you deserve when you deserve it. And when you get it, the whole world, and time will freeze around me… And everything will make sense. Everything that once hurt me, once made me cry, scream and want to die, everything will make sense – in that one moment.

This was my sign.

It wasn’t the world around me that had to change for me to find happiness – nor was it the people around me that had to make sense.

It was all me.

It’s a momentous moment you know, watching the sun set like this. Maybe you should stop once, just to witness this breathtaking event.. Every sunrise, every sunset, every passing minute and rushing day, it changes you – It definitely changed me. But today, for the first time I realised that lately, I’ve been smiling.

I hope you are too.

Do watch the sunset soon, I sent a secret message for you. As the warm sun rises tomorrow, stand in its warmth and feel me hug you…. I miss you. But it’s the sweet kind of pain, where I’m actually smiling because it warms me up to know that I have someone like you in my life to miss 🙂

I hope you take that walk with the Sun soon.

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A Confession with a Story.

Sometimes, you feel your head may explode. All these thoughts, wandering around – questions debating the past, answers foreseeing the future, people all around you begging you to relax, with green tea or otherwise. But sometimes, all that really can help, is a nice long scream. An uninhibited, long, soul-piercing scream. The kinds that you hear in an eerie film, when the protagonist knows that she’s facing Death, and is no longer going to experience the pleasures of the world, be it big ones like love and hatred, or smaller ones like snap-chatting or finding the perfect pizza diner.

It’s a scream that breaks all the rules of the Universe; all the rules that once helped Man, the rules that help keep stability, peace and order in the Universe and beyond. Strangely though, this is a scream of relief, yes, I said scream. For it is not a sigh… it can’t be one. A sigh keeps you warm, leaves you at rest, in peace. This one however, it leaves you in pieces.

I guess sometimes you have to shatter though a lot of unwanted mess around you, in order to become entirely raw. To be so completely free of yourself, your dreams, your fears or your nightmares, that you can see yourself as someone scarred, someone who needs a new fresh beginning. Time does not heal wounds, neither do scars turn into faint memories. All of it stays, growing on you, with you. All of it gathers dust, maybe even rust, and there’s no medicine, there’s no cure. There’s simply no escape.
Feel like screaming yet?
I thought so.
Go ahead then. I dare you.
Take a piece of paper and a pen, and write down the three things that scare you, hurt you or you fear from the most. I don’t mean ghosts, or demons, or even your Boss. I mean literally scare you – things like loneliness, anorexia, or even dementia. Entering a time of your life when nothing, or no one around seems to make sense… it’s not ‘depression’ per say, but it’s a time in life when relief only comes through acknowledgment from others. Whether it’s the comment a friend made on your pictures, or the way he held your hand when you believed his words of lust to be love. It’s all from the outside, the look of pride, or the lack of it in your father’s eyes, the way your Boss hangs on to your every word, or merely asks you to remember how he takes his coffee.
It’s only until very recently, that I understood the true meaning of life. It was explained to me in the most simplest manner possible, and it is this I need to share with you.
“There are only two things that the blessed receive, their true inner passion or calling, and the other being true love.” These words, they were the piercing scream that my soul needed to hear.
No matter who, or what situation life throws at you, there are always two ways to look at it. Whether through rose-tinted glasses, as many of my friends believe I do, or whether it’s through the telescope of a cynic. Either way, reality is much further away than we would have imagined it to be.
As for me, tonight reality seems further closer than I had expected. I’m going to tell you a story, and it’s your choice whether to stop here, or read on. Don’t worry, if you do decide to stop, there’s not much you would have missed, for this is no extraordinary tale, it’s a tale about love, heartbreak, strength, despair and most importantly, the soul-piercing scream.
As always, my greatest setback, never knowing where to begin from. But as most great writers suggest, the ending seems to be the perfect start.
The end is a sad one. I stared at the blank screen before me and wondered how long it would be before I drifted off to sleep, hopefully tonight, with no dreams. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not had any pills, or abused any substance… well, barring the Panadol that I just took to stop my sneezes from ripping through my tired head. Murakami’s Kafka on the Shore lies next to me, untouched, but tonight, even his words do not seem to soothe me. 
I stared at the blank screen, wondering if I should attempt to finish a story I was working on. My mind seems to have decided otherwise, and the heart, well let’s not go there. 
Being the end of the story, let me just pause for a second here to ‘give away the ending’ since isn’t that what endings do anyway? 
Yes. He left, and no, it wasn’t love for him. 
 
Day 6: I’ve deleted all the messages, I’ve put my phone on silent and bid adieu to the sweet thoughts of his that once used to make me blush and smile. He’s probably boarding a flight now, a long holiday with cousins, or so he said. Every word, every story seems questionable. My phone now void of all apps that make a picture brighter, a status more liked, or a smile a little deeper. 
 
A friend once told me, to live a relationship, or meet a person as if it were the last time. I think that’s what I did, and being this great actress that I am, I convinced him that it was the end before we could even have a beginning it seems. 
 
Day 5: We kissed. It was magical. Actually, I remember thinking that he bites a bit much. I was also a little too engrossed in the film he had paused. Oh, and I was thinking about the flare of my patiala and whether he would understand that it’s meant to be ‘over-sized’ or would he think it’s me? So many thoughts. I think I didn’t even pay attention to that kiss. I wonder, was this the beginning to the end? 
 
Day 4: He sent me songs, I sang them in my head. I searched for a goodbye or a fleeting sign of farewell in them. Finding none, I began to doubt his intentions. He asked me if I would be alright if he dropped me home today after work. I asked him ‘Why?’ I was foreign to acts of kindness. Did he take this as a sign of indifference to him being around me? Hell, maybe I am a great actress. Anyway, he did drop me home. We were listening to ‘Dirty Paws‘ when he took my hand in his. He dropped me home with a smile wider than my face. 
 
Day 3: We met at the Club, a few friends of mine tagged along… some were genuinely interested to meet ‘Boy’. I, on the other hand was wondering if my top really looked that good on me. He smiled when he saw me. We held hands under the table, drank beer and whiskey and he seemed genuinely concerned when I fought with a friend who prodded me about failed relationships. He sent me a text, ‘I can’t promise you this will work, but I will never cheat on you.’ That night a small tear slid down my cheek. I felt blessed. 
 
Day 2: It was probably a beer too many, but we laughed, we confessed secrets, we spoke for hours, we shared favourite TV shows and menthol cigarettes. But when I went home, the stars were shining a little brighter, and the world’s troubles seemed a little lighter. We made a promise to see each other again. 
 
Day 1: I downloaded a dating app, and wondered if this is where I would finally meet, the one I’m supposed to, for the rest of my life. 
Feel like screaming yet?