Have you ever experienced this feeling, when a song is stuck on repeat, no one’s doing but your own. You listen to every word of this song, hang on to the lyrics, hoping it will create the same magical feeling it did the first time you heard it.
It’s a special song, sometimes the lyrics make no sense to you, sometimes the lyrics may even be too disturbing to listen to. But it’s your special song, and it’s the one that you listen to when you walk out the door, headphones in your ear, the world shut out for those 3 minutes and whatever seconds. It’s your magical moment, when you re-live the scene a thousand times over in your head.
It makes you smile, blush even, but with this aching heart. It’s not possible, you wonder, that a song has the capacity to take you to another level in this universe. Where a song translates into so much more then music and words – it’s a feeling now. It’s an emotion. It’s a kiss. It’s the way he held your hand. It’s the way he brushed your hair aside. It’s the way the butterflies in your stomach rose and rose, flying steadily and beautifully towards the sun. It’s the way he says your name.
It’s the way he said your name.
The beats quicken, the memories are flashing in front of you now. The sun seems stronger, your head a little lighter. Maybe you should change this track, but then again, why?
When you have no control over the way the world works, or the way people leave, why can’t you have control over the feelings a song lets you have. The memories that come with it – the bittersweet nothings that lead you to once believe that this was all you needed, and that maybe now, maybe now this life will give you that chance that you know you deserve. To smile, to smile in love and not be scared. Not be scared that one day, soon from today, you’ll be listening to a song and instead of his hand, you’ll be looking at a shadow of his hand on your empty palm. The faint traces of his perfume, of his lips on your skin, of his words against your soul – when do you get to smile in love? When do you get to keep the memories and know that they won’t turn into an aching pain? When do you get to reach out and just hold on to his hand, or smile as he plays that song you’ve been in love with for a while now, because secretly he knows that it reminds you of him.
When will the time come, that you two will listen to a song together?
3 minutes and whatever seconds are over.
It’s time to press repeat.
Or maybe, it’s time to search for a new song?