“All love stories are frustration stories… To fall in love is to be reminded of a frustration that you didn’t know you had.”
A long long time ago, sitting under the dull skies of Pune, a close friend of mine startled our silence, “You know what I admire the most about you?”
I looked at him lazily, unaware of how his next few words would stay with me through my life.
“The way you love, Love.”
He was not the kind of guy who gets into emotional conversations or deep meaningful discussions, unless I started them. So I knew I had to listen carefully.
And listen I did,
“In this day and age, romance is replaced with technology. Love and heart-breaks with lust and re-bounds. Patience and letters with anger and instant messaging. There’s not a person I know, who looks at Love as admiringly as you do.”
It’s been over two years to this conversation, at that time, his thought made me smile. Today, it makes me wonder. Today, he is engaged to be married, my overly cynical friend found a lovely girl who makes him smile. – isn’t this Love?
Today, I’m chasing my job, my worries, my overly-active mind, my inhibitions – and I’m doing all of this on my own. – is this Love?
Don’t get me wrong.
But with all this brain-picking, watching The Adjustment Bureau tonight wasn’t as good an idea as I thought it might be. It’s a film that should be watched over and over again; until all the dialogues seep into your soul.
“All I have are the choices I make, and I choose her. Come what may.” It takes one line sometimes, to change something inside of you, possibly even awake you.
And it did.
Wide-eyed, the film continued on without me, my fingers itching to type, but most importantly, my thoughts, searching for a place to land. I’m tired of having empty conversations. One-sided, with a screen, sometimes a reply, more often an empty inbox.
All I have are the choices I make.
Who do I choose? Who chose me?
I’m a sucker for the perfect love story, but I’ve always lived and written about the ones that hurt, break, fall, destroy. Sometimes, fate has it all decided is what I learned today. More often than not, our choices are pre-defined. Our future, created. Does this thought comfort you? Does it help to know that many strongly believe that someone up there, has our Book, our Book with our fate, our life, our deeds, and our death all written; does it make you feel any safer?
Or, just as Matt Damon did, you want to run, run and open all the doors you can- rush through situation after situation, till you find the one door that gives you all the sunlight, all the happiness that you could possibly want, or imagine? Would you run through all those doors? Would you search for your happiness? Stubborn, to not let your fate come to you, but your fate be designed by you. By the doors you open, and most importantly, the doors you shut.
I’ve always believed in closing doors behind me, shutting the world out, the sunlight, if only for a while. But it’s just a closed door, not a brick wall, you seem to have forgotten.
You know what makes me smile tonight?
There’s someone whose writing my story, just as I do, with my characters, with my Roxanne- and right now, a protagonist is opening door after door, shutting door after door, and one day, and God knows I’ll know when he reaches…. He’ll see the door, a brick wall, he’ll find the door knob, and turn it ever so softly. With his smiling eyes, his soft whispers, our games of hide-and-seek will finally be over, the taste of his lips… All we need sometimes, is some more time. Some more faith. Some more love.
Fate, chance and destiny are things that are widely debated, argued and discussed. What matters the most, is that there’s faith.
And that’s what makes me smile tonight.
All I have are the choices that I make, and someday, I will choose. Come what may.