Love stories seem to not want to end at happy endings. Love stories seem to rise only from the ashes of burnt hearts and destroyed souls. Bitter-sweet memories and uprooted emotions. Love stories seem to choose destruction and chaos. Love finds a way to get to your safest place, most deepest place and then start burning you, inside out. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, the signs appear only too quickly – what we would normally find upsetting could probably just be our guardian angel flashing signs of caution. But who listens to advice? No? Especially if it’s your gut that’s giving it to you. And that too, for free.
You would never listen to your gut. I never did.
The night used to be a time for confessions and late night phone calls. The nights are getting lonelier, the words hanging around my bed. The first to greet me as I wake up from my dream-less sleep.
So many full moons have passed me by, so many love stories and lovers have met me along this journey. But to go back to loving you was the easiest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.
Our raging fights, those words we never should have said to each other, the hours spent crying, ignoring and even the worst of it all, walking away. None of that is enough to soothe the burning inside of me. None of that will be enough to comprehend the confusion and tears pouring out of my soul.
Everyone around us says I hurt you. That you could never love again. Seems like the whole world was wrong. Even you. Remember that night when you lay me down on that cold platform, when you looked deep into my eyes, deep into my soul… whiskey on our breath. But your eyes, it seemed to tell me another story. Soul mates.
Wasn’t that your most loved word?
Days, weeks and months have passed us now, so boy, why are you still on my mind? Why does this aching heart only want to be calmed by your voice? Why have I forgotten the way you say my name? Why did you think it would be okay to go out there like this, and destroy my heart entirely?
Why haven’t you called me?
Why did you move on? Leaving me behind in your after glow.
I’ve got my playlist of misery on for tonight, it’s got you all over it.
It’s easy to picture a heart broken into a million pieces, coming back together, slowly and steadily. There are so many things this beautiful world has to share with us, so many lovely things, like the sunshine, caring friends and a loving family, to help bring the pieces together. But what about when you’re just left with one half of a broken heart? You couldn’t even break my heart like it should have been. You just took what’s yours, all the loving inside of me and walked away. You walked away. How dare you take all of me with you? Leaving me grasping for air. Cold. Breathless and lonely.
How dare you walk away, taking the one piece of me that I need the most.
Life seems to be going full circle for me. I’m sitting right where we began. In the same room we spoke for the first time. The same room where I stayed up all night talking to you. The same room you texted me good morning and every morning after that shined brightly. I’m in the same room I was in when you texted me and told me you had something important to tell me- you whispered, ‘I love you‘, my heart stopped and sped up at the same time. No drug has ever made me feel the same. No three words more perfect. I’m sitting in the same room, with no one but our memories for company, and yet, I seem to have forgotten the way you say my name.
But it’s late now. And I need drift back to my dream-less sleep.
It’s another day tomorrow. Another smile for the world and another moon will pass me by.